Sunday, September 21, 2014

5 Things That Remind Me of Nicki Minaj's Ass.

The second I saw Nicki Minaj's album cover for Anaconda, I was mystified. I couldn't stop staring at it. I had a feeling that I've seen her ass before, it just looked too familiar.

It wasn't until last night where I decided to figure out where I have seen that ass before.

My Wallet

Upon further inspection of my wallet I realized her ass is the Mastercard logo! I knew I have seen it before. I also realize why looking at her ass made me feel like I owe someone money.

My Social Studies Textbook

Nothing blew my mind like when I first learnt what a Venn diagram was. Now that I realize kids can use Nicki Minaj's ass as a Venn diagram, I'm jealous.

My Childhood

Mickey mouses ears were always the most iconic two circles. That was until Anaconda dropped. Step aside mouse, we got Nicki now!

Cheesy Wedding Photos

This is  gonna suck for a lot of people's cheesy wedding photos. Congratulations, your cherished memories will now remind you of Nicki Minaj's ass.

These Drunk Old Bald Guys

I don't know who these guys are, I don't know where they are from but their bald heads combine to recreate the magic that is Nicki Minaj's ass!

Friday, September 19, 2014

Why being a balding man in Egypt is so much more difficult than being veiled, unveiled, blonde or even a redhead (especially a redhead)

Very recently I read on Scoop Empire about how hard it is to be veiled in Egypt and then I read about how it’s even harder to be unveiled and blonde. Countless of women came out to air their support and their opinions on this matter, but missing from all the chatter was an opinion I was looking for; that of a balding, slightly overweight male in Egypt.

So I thought to myself, enough is enough, it’s time to show people what it’s really like to be balding in Egypt and I’ll one up Sherry El-Kilany and Nada Kabil. Oh I’ll show you that being balding in Egypt is so much harder-er!


If unveiled and veiled girls think they’re being judged, then try being balding. Every conversation is about how there is this new treatment they heard about that can solve your problem, or about how you might as well shave your head…or the worst the question of all “do you miss your hair?”


The loss of your hair becomes the number one topic of conversation at every family gathering; the insults, the questions and, the most humiliating, the stares. You know your aunt loves you but the look in her eyes tells you she loved you so much more with hair. You should feel safe around family, but it’s around family where you feel the most judged.


On the beach, a lot of my hair-challenged brothers can be found. Unfortunately on the beach is where, if you are balding, you better grow muscles and look like Bruce Willis, otherwise just wear a hat. The long walk from the car to your seat along the beach is like the most embarrassing runway. The comments, the whispers and the never-ending sea of laughter, much like the sea on the horizon…it never ends.


Finding a woman who can accept you for who you are and what is becoming of your hairline can be hard. I was lucky, but everyday I overhear girl after girl comment on how “no hair, all care.” I wish people could see past a physical issue, but deep down we all know women wanna run their hands through luscious flows not a patchy mess of scalp and stray hairs.


It’s alright. The ID photographer can sometimes make fun of you, but ya you women got me beat here, but only here.


Don’t get me wrong, your life isn’t all bad without hair. Your morning ritual is much faster, you look great in a baseball hat and hair cuts are a lot quicker. In fact, yesterday my hair cut took 13 mins. I just feel that we are silent victims and it was time that someone took a stand and stood up for us. So to my fellow hair-losers, stand tall, be proud and most importantly, buy a snapback cap. They work like magic.