Today's Review Is a Guest Review, personally whenever a really god awful album comes out, I frankly try to get my friend to take it on. Why you ask, well simple he is better at chopping albums down than I am. Today he Reviewed 50 Cent's Curtis...
Hey so if any of you have ever read reviews on Rami’s site you may know I did a guest review already and this is my second one. If you haven’t here is a recap. Kevin Federline’s album sucked, and I hate 50 Cent. So of course Rami suggested it would be a great idea for me to review his newest album. You know the one released at the same time as Kanye West’s album. So here its goes the review….
Some of you may be looking at your computer screens and saying, “How can he even remotely write a fair review if he just admitted he hates 50 Cent.” I have two things to say in my defense. First off stop talking at the computer screen I cant hear you, no one can. And secondly why do you care it’s a 50 Cent album, I’m sure I could find a poem I wrote in first grade that is more rhythmically sound and better written than three quarters of his shit. Amusement Park, Candy Shop, Magic Stick does no one see the similarities here. I FEEL LIKE IM TAKING CRAZY PILLS (yah a Zoolander reference I went there) Again your probably saying, “This guy is full of shit,” and again stop talking to the computer screen, I can’t hear you. To prove to you that I am not full of shit I have decided I will write the rest of this album review in rhyme, a la Doctor Seuss.
So here it is the Curtis album review in rhyme
My best friend made me listen to this what a crime
I’ll have to be honest I couldn’t finish it
All in all this entire album is shit
He may drive a Ferrari, while I can’t even afford a Datsun
But at least I learned to rhyme, that’s elementary my dear Watson
Every song is about money, chicks, and guns
Here’s hoping this album goes the way of the bison
You know what I mean, almost extinct
Then if we ignored him long enough he’d be gone before we blinked
Get Rich or Die Trying, I wish it would have been the later
Someone should have told him he was a shitty actor
To be able to act, you need to be able to speak
How could he expect to do this with those huge buck teeth?
50 Cent is just a giant gorilla on steroids
I wonder if the time it took to listen to this album anyone enjoyed
Personally listening to it gave me hemorrhoids
And I realize that my rhymes aren’t the best
But at least I’m not dumb enough to take on Kanye West
Record sales came in and 50 couldn’t touch him
Thankfully for now his future seems dim
He considers his new album to be an epic
I wouldn’t even consider it to be music
Here I am matching him word for word
A nerdy white guy from the suburbs
And I’m pretty sure that’s the definition of getting served
No where in the rap did I claim to be a rhyming genius
But I kicked 50’s ass, so he can suck my penis
OK there it is a review in rhyme, granted I said like two lines about the album. But if you have a problem with that go read rolling stone or a publication that pays people to do credible reviews. In my opinion 50 Cent is a bag of deuce bags. For those of you who don’t understand I will work through the math. One normal size bag can hold 15 deuces, and a larger bag can hold 10 normal size bags filled with deuces. So that’s approximately 150 deuces in one bag of deuce bags, and that’s a lot of dirty vaginas. Which is what I rate this album 150 dirty vaginas (that’s bad by the way). (PS would have had a picture again to represent my rating but Rami wouldn’t let me show a dirty vagina, let alone 150 times).